Categorie archief: Humor

Er was eens…

“Er was eens een vader die altijd zijn kinderen in slaap zong, tot hij zijn zoontje van drie zijn dochtertje van twee de raad hoorde geven : ‘als je net doet of je slaapt, houdt hij op'”
– Peter Darbo Vlaams aforist 1944-

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Descartes met een knipoog

Filosofisch houvast

biedt Descartes’ theorie,

eigentijds aangepast:

‘Je dépense, donc je suis.’

Bron: karamellosofie – Wim Bruynooghe

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Ik weet het – ik pleit schuldig dat ik in herhaling val! Vorig jaar plaatste ik onderstaand videofilmpje ter gelegenheid van het Sinterklaasfeest – ik vind het prachtig; daarom nog eens SNIEKLAAS van Toon Hermans

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Het sprookje van het bier

… kan je HIER lezen! Héél vermakelijk en je krijgt er echt dorst van! Santé… !! 😉


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Bij de pinken

Mijn zoon is bij de pinken.

Hij zei me op een dag:

Een rups kan niet verdrinken,

die kent de vlinderslag.

Uit: karamellosofie – Wim Bruynooghe

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Uitgeb(e)reid ontbijt?


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Alle begin is moeilijk…

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met a young lady of excellent character and virtue that interested him very much. What should he do?

His mother had an idea: “Why don’t you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?”

He thought this was a great idea, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

“I was totally humiliated,” he moaned. “She insisted on washing the dishes.”

“What’s wrong with that?” asked his mother.

“We hadn’t started eating yet.”

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A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street. However, the boy is very small and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder, leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies, “Now we run!”

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An Italian in Malta

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Questions without answers

1. Does a clean house indicate that there is a broken computer in it?

2. Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

3. Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

4. Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

5. On electric toasters, why do they engrave the message “one slice”? How many pieces of bread do they think people are really gonna try to stuff in that slot?

6. Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

7. Why is it that no plastic garbage bag will open from the end you first try?

8. How do those dead bugs get into those closed light fixtures?

9. Considering all the lint you get in your dryer, if you kept drying your clothes would they eventually just disappear?

10. When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, “It’s all right?” Well, it isn’t all right so why don’t we say, “That hurt!”

11. Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

12. Is it true that the only difference between a yard sale and a trash pickup is how close to the road the stuff is placed?

13. In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

14. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

15. If at first you don’t succeed, shouldn’t you try doing it like your wife told you to do it? And obviously if at first you don’t succeed, then don’t take up sky diving!

16. The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends, if they’re okay, then it’s you.

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Stairway to heaven

One day, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead were all driving in a car when the car crashed. Minutes later they appeared up in heaven.

God says to them “Ahead are 100 stairs, at each stair you will be told a joke, if you laugh you will take the one way train to Hell, if you remain silent, you will continue on. If you make it to the top, you will stay in Heaven.”

So the brunette started up the stairs. At the 55th stair she laughed, and was sent abroad the train to hell.

The redhead started to climb but laughed at the 79th stair and got on the train to Hell.

The blonde started up and made it to the 100th stair. She paused, then began laughing non stop. Shocked, God asked her why she had laughed. Still laughing she replied, “I finally got the first joke!”


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An American joke

For a couple years I’ve been blaming it on lack of sleep and too much pressure from my job, but now I found out the real reason:

I’m tired because I’m overworked.

The population of this country is 237 million.

104 million are retired.

That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leaves 48 million to do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government, leaving 19 million to do the work.

2.8 million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 16.2 million to do the work.

Take from the total the 14,800,000 people who work for State and City Governments and that leaves 1.4 million to do the work.

At any given time there are 188,000 people in hospitals, leaving 1,212,000 to do the work.

Now, there are 1,211,998 people in prisons. That leaves just two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you’re sitting at your computer reading jokes!


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Sois belle et tais-toi


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Grenzeloze liefde

Een dolverliefde jongeman schrijft naar zijn meisje:
-Liefste Saar, ik zou de grootste oceanen willen overzwemmen om even je hand te kunnen aanraken.
Ik zou over alle bergen en dalen willen trekken voor een glimlach van je lippen.
Ik zou woestijnen willen doorkruisen voor een blik van je lieve ogen.
Voor altijd je slaaf,
PS. Ik kom zaterdag, als het niet regent.
Ik wens jullie allen een zonnig lenteweekend! 🙂

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Senioren onder elkaar

An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple’s house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.

The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: “Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant .I’d highly recommend.”

The other man says: “What’s the name of the restaurant?”

The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: “Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?”

His friend replies: “A carnation?” “No, no. The other one,” the man says.

His friend suggest “The poppy?”

“No, no, no” growls the man.

“You know – the one that is red and has thorns.”

His friend says: “Do you mean a rose?”

“Yes! Thank you!” the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: “Rose, what’s the name of that restaurant we went to last night?”

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A cat in heaven


A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, “You’ve been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask.”

The cats says, “Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors.” God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat.

The mice said, “All our lives we’ve had to run. We’ve been chased by cats, dogs and even women with brooms. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn’t have to run anymore.” God says, “Say no more.” And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.

About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks,

“How are you doing? Are you happy here?”

The cat yawns and stretches and says, “Oh, I’ve never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you’ve been sending over are the best!”


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Automatische biecht

Lachen is gezond! Lachen werkt het geluksgevoel in de hand waardoor we het leven gemakkelijker door een ROZE BRIL gaan zien…


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Mr. Bush at school

“President George Bush is visiting an elementary school and he visits
one of the classes. They are in the middle of a discussion related to
words and their meanings. The teacher asks the President if he would
like to lead the class in the discussion of the word, “tragedy.” So the
illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a “tragedy.”
One little boy stands up and offers, “If my best friend, who lives
next door, is playing in the street and a car comes along and runs him
over, that would be a tragedy.”
“No,” says Bush, “that would be an ACCIDENT.”
A little girl raises her hand: “If a school bus carrying 50 children
drove off a cliff, killing everyone involved, that would be a
“I’m afraid not,” explains Mr. President. “That’s what we would
call a GREAT LOSS.”
The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. President Bush
searches the room.”Isn’t there someone here who can give me an example
of a tragedy?”
Finally, way in the back of the room, a small boy raises his hand.
In a quiet voice he says, “If Air Force One, carrying Mr. & Mrs. Bush,
were struck by a missile and blown up to smithereens, by a terrorist
like Osama bin Laden, that would be a tragedy.”
“Fantastic,” exclaims Bush, “that’s right. And can you tell me WHY
that would be a TRAGEDY?”
“Well,” says the boy, “because it wouldn’t be an accident, and it
certainly wouldn’t be a great loss.”


Have a great weekend!

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Een onweerstaanbare Toon Hermans – precies wat een mens nodig heeft op een sombere, winderige en kletsnatte decemberdag!
Met dank aan Klara voor de tip deze morgen vroeg…

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Dag van de buur

Een goede buur is iemand die zijn gras even hoog laat groeien als u.
(B. Lumpkin)

-‘Elke ochtend als hij naar zijn werk vertrekt kust onze buurman zijn vrouw. Waarom doe jij dat nooit?’
-‘Ik ken dat mens amper.’


De buren weten precies hoe verkeerd wij het doen. Maar daar staat tegenover hoe precies wij weten hoe verkeerd zij het doen.
(Simon Carmiggelt)

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